Happy Sunday, dear friends. Southern Manitoba received a string of beautifully sunny March days this week and half the snow piles have vanished. It’s so easy to forget how many that sun feels on your face after a six-month hiatus. Spring and summer are around the corner and I couldn’t be more excited for it.

I had the chance to jump on the ice the last two weeks with a group of local men. Though the hockey is unorganized, it’s been wonderful to get out there, work in a sweat, and battle through some friendly competition. There’s something about that hockey adrenaline rush that becomes so physically satisfying for your body and soul in so many ways.

It can go too far, though.

I found myself talking to different sets of folks this week about my experience as a hockey official. Hockey was remarkable to me in my teenage years and early 20s — I had the chance to work Junior A hockey at the age of 15, I skated in the first ever Winnipeg Jets training camp, and I worked elite level games that featured current NHLers like Matt Barzal. Most importantly, I met many fantastic people, expanded my network of connections for the future, and learned how to deal with conflict in situations few people can understand.

But full transparency: That conflict gets to you after a while. I worked Junior A hockey in my hometown as a head official in my early 20s, and I had people I looked up to shouting at and berating me from the stands. I had local leaders attempt to breakdown doors and break their sticks over doorknobs. Not only that, but I had young kids booing me and calling me an idiot to my face. I was spit at more times than I can count. Let me tell you, I have some stories.

“It’s part of the game,” they say. And it is part of the game, until it’s not. I had someone recently quite literally say “Yeah, but Josh, you knew what you were getting into when you signed up to officiate.” You don’t know what you’re getting into. No young official who signs up at 12 years of age can understand the feeling of people you have respected your entire childhood booing and swearing at you.

While you’re in the role, it’s part of your identity. You put on a brave face, hit the ice, and be the best judge you can be at a breakneck speed. You smile and laugh when someone cuts you deep. You shrug off the fan insulting your spouse. You ignore the local police officer, who, after being called for a penalty on the ice, threatens to call you in after a game. You put up with it because any small crack will lead to a valley for a hockey player to gouge you. You must appear unflappable, for anything else will lead to utter chaos.

Very brief moments over the last two weeks reminded me of those brutal moments from the past. Something comes out in people on the ice. Perhaps it’s the Zamboni fumes unlocking an inner zombie in most hockey folks. Whatever happens, it’s brutally exhausting, brutally embarrassing, and absolutely worthy of following your reputation when you leave the rink. If something makes you become an animal on the ice, you need to leave the game behind.

If someone asked me to ref a hockey game today, I wouldn’t last five minutes. The very first shout and I’d come unglued. I’d be part of viral videos showcasing a referee attempting to fight a coach or a fan. I no longer believe I’m capable of suppressing the kind of emotion I suppressed as a young man, working through the ranks as a hockey official.

Hockey is a chicken soup for the body. It provides just the right amount of competition to get your blood flowing. It provides the chance to share and converse with other men. It provides a chance to escape the stresses of a hard business day.

But it can go too far. If you’re an animal when the puck is dropped (or when the first pitch is thrown, or when the ball is tipped off), leave the game behind. Your actions follow you and will destroy relationships in the future.

Everyone has a story

Aleem Shaun:

I was recently reminded of a word that isn’t found in a standard English dictionary. The word, sonder, was coined by John Koenig in The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. It’s a French word meaning to plumb the depths, but the English version is defined as the realisation that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.

I appreciate self realizations like this. It is through these realizations that humanity can build back bridges and heal.

Shaun concludes:

But I am also aware that some people have a greater responsibility and a greater need for sonder than others. People who hold decision-making power that impacts an entire community, nation or nations. People who hold ideologies that consider some people more human than others. People who hold the power of life and death and are willing to enforce it are the ones who need sonder the most.

This I disagree with.

People with power do absolutely require a greater need for sonder, but that does not preclude people with less power from needing that level of sonder. This double standard allows someone with less perceived power to be a jerk, while someone with more perceived power is to be held to an immeasurable higher standard. This is an unfair way of thinking and acting.

Worry less about the log in your brother’s eye and worry more about the log in your eye. Hold your own need for sonder to the same level as you hold your brother’s need for sonder.

Note that though I disagree with this conclusion, I still love this sort of piece from Aleem Shaun. Everyone has a story, and discovering those stories is one of the most amazing things that keeps us uniquely human.

The Second Cup

Hästens Grand Vividus Bed

My wife and I are looking at new mattresses, so I naturally typed in “Best mattress money can buy” into Google. This is what came up. I had a good chuckle.

Incase’s Compact Ergonomic Keyboard

This appears to be the Microsoft Sculpt, Version 2.0. Made by Incase. Designed by Microsoft. My world for a number pad edition. The Microsoft Surface Ergonomic Keyboard was my favourite keyboard of all-time.

A $200,000 Star Wars Lego Set

My favourite part of this is the random set of Clone Wars episodes he chose to model the set after. The Geonosis episodes with Luminara and Offee were great, albeit a little creepy.

Eugenio Suárez’s World Baseball Classic Championship Interview

Most Canadians were cheering against the United States for the wrong reasons. I was cheering against the United States because it felt like it would be so fresh to have someone other than one of the baseball giants to hoist the trophy. Venezuela did not disappoint. I will likely never forget the way the team all stood up and shouted their anthem in all its glory. I don’t think any pro sports championship has yielded that kind of joy shown by the Venezuelans this week.

Quote of the Week

“Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.”

Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

Happy Sunday. I hope you have a wonderful week ahead.

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